brb, outsourcing ~getting dressed~ for the foreseeable future
bc I simply cannot choose one more outfit for myself
Getting dressed can feel like a high-stakes puzzle—especially when you’re a carry-on-only traveler trying to prepare for everything from sweltering beaches to formal dinners, all while navigating sensory sensitivities and executive dysfunction.
Add in the challenge of finding outfits that strike a perfect balance between androgynous and stylish without veering into frumpy territory, and suddenly, it starts to feel like a Herculean task just to find something to throw on to get out the door.
Enter Fashivly, my new digital outfit-planning partner. In this post, I’ll share how this service has been a game-changer for managing my clothing choices—tailoring them to my busy, neurodivergent, queer life on the go. If you’ve ever felt like dressing yourself is a chore (or worse, a crisis), this one’s for you.
The challenges of outfit planning as a traveler who refuses to check a bag
Packing for trips as a carry-on-only traveler feels like trying to fit your entire closet into a glorified lunchbox.
The struggle isn’t just about space, it’s about versatility. Usually, when I’m traveling, whether it’s for business or for pleasure, I need to be ready for everything: getting in 10,000 steps as I navigate a new city, a chic dinner in an upscale restaurant, or a meeting where I want to look professional but not like I’m trying too hard. Oh, and I have to keep it all weather-appropriate as I travel through multiple climates, prepping for everything from sweaty sunny days to chilly evenings and unexpected rain—all while ensuring everything fits in a carry-on that will fit in a plane’s overhead compartment.
The result? A travel wardrobe that’s part Tetris puzzle, part “I’ll figure it out when I get there,” and a lot of stress over whether my one pair of shoes will work for all occasions. I’ve learned the hard way that trying to juggle all of this without a strategy leads to a packing meltdown… and more than one regrettable outfit choice.
Why AuDHD can make getting dressed so hard
As an autistic woman, getting dressed isn't just about picking out clothes—it’s also a sensory minefield. The textures, the seams, the way a fabric feels on my skin… these seemingly small details can feel overwhelmingly loud to me. A shirt that’s just too stiff or pants that rub the wrong way can set off an internal storm of discomfort that makes me want to crawl back into bed and avoid the whole ordeal.
Add in ADHD, and suddenly I’m juggling ten thoughts at once, none of which are about whether my outfit makes sense, and the executive dysfunction kicks in. It’s like my brain just forgets how to make decisions, even when I know I need to pick something practical. I’m left feeling like I’m in a perpetual loop of “I don’t know what to wear” and “I have no idea how to fix this,” which leads to a lot of staring at my closet and wishing for a magic outfit fairy to do the hard work for me.
The queer struggle to find “not masc, not femme, but some elusive third thing” ‘fits
Ah, the eternal quest for that elusive third thing. As a bisexual woman who leans androgynous, I find myself constantly navigating that awkward space between not-masc and not-femme. It’s like trying to strike a perfect balance on a seesaw that keeps tipping one way or the other.
I want outfits that express my queerness without feeling like I’m playing dress-up in someone else’s gender role. But then there’s the danger of crossing over into the frumpy zone, which, let me tell you, is a quick trip down a path of mismatched layers and baggy clothing that do nothing for my self-esteem.
I want to look put-together but not overly polished—comfortable but still sharp. It’s a tricky mix, and often feels like I'm designing a whole new category of fashion that somehow exists between the binary. And yet, when I do find those perfect pieces, it feels like I’ve cracked the code to my own personal style, one that’s authentically me.
How outsourcing my personal styling helps me with all of the above
Working with Fashivly has been a game-changer in solving the outfit-planning puzzle that always felt so overwhelming to me. For one, their team understands the complexities of packing light but still managing to be prepared for every scenario. Whether I’m heading to a fancy dinner or need to brave unpredictable weather, they help me build a capsule wardrobe that’s not just functional, but also stylish and versatile.
But beyond the logistics, Fashivly has been a godsend for navigating the sensory overload of getting dressed. With their guidance, I can avoid itchy fabrics or uncomfortable seams, knowing the outfits they suggest will be gentle on my sensory sensitivities—meaning no more sensory meltdowns over an outfit choice.
And as for the elusive third thing? Fashivly gets it. The team understands that finding that sweet spot between androgynous and stylish doesn’t have to mean sacrificing comfort or individuality. They’ve helped me refine my wardrobe to reflect my queerness without pigeonholing me into any specific gender role. Instead of feeling stuck in the limbo of “too frumpy” or “trying too hard,” I now have a collection of pieces that feel just right for my identity—comfortable, sharp, and, most importantly, me.
What used to feel like a constant struggle is now a fun and exciting part of my travel prep, and I can finally dress with confidence, knowing that every outfit I pack is one less thing to worry about while I’m away.
My experience with Fashivly
I took advantage of a holiday deal Fashivly offered toward the end of last year and ordered five $39 gift cards ($39 used to be the cost of a two-look style guide, an offering they have since discontinued) for $100… all to use for myself. Smart or selfish? Who’s to say!
In any case, I’ve used those gift cards to work with Fashivly on three different types of style guides now: the first was for two looks, the second was for 10 items/10 looks, and the third was an ‘order five looks, get one free’ special. But just so you know, as of the time I’m writing this post, they’re only offering five- or 10-look style guides, which you can purchase for yourself or for a friend.
The process kicks off with a questionnaire, which asked things like…
My general size range
My height
Where I live
What season I was shopping for
What I do for work and in my free time
What pieces I consider a central part of my style/outfits
Any style inspiration I had (I sent a Pinterest board of looks I liked the vibe of)
Anything I would never wear
Whether I wear prescription glasses (or need prescription sunglasses)
My preferred average budget per piece
…and more, which the Fashivly team used to guide them in selecting the looks they’d ultimately deliver to me.
Guide 1: Sensory-friendly spring looks
In addition to these pics of the pieces all pulled together into outfits, the team provided live links to where I could purchase each item that they recommended in my size (no small feat, given that they’re based in the US and needed to make sure the items would be available for me to buy and have delivered to me in the Netherlands!) and even offered additional links for bonus items I might like that could pair well with or be swapped in for other items on my list.
Guide 2: Travel-friendly mix-and-match outfits
I’ll admit that this was the guide I was most excited about—because, I mean, 10 items that I could style together 10 different ways sounded like the ideal way to build a travel capsule wardrobe to me!
Unfortunately, the Damson Madder leopard cargo pants didn’t work out for me (it’s hard out here for a petite girlie working with a small waist, wide hips, and a big booty) but the Fashivly team was quickly able to recommend a different cheetah-print pant option to replace them—otherwise, this selection worked perfectly for my late winter/early spring book travels!
Guide 3: Book tour ‘fits with a touch of queer flair
For this ‘buy five looks, get one free’ guide, I specifically noted: I'll be on my book tour doing on-stage Q&As and book signings but also visiting friends from back home in the US in between events (and working from home in between events, too). I'm neurodivergent so I need my clothes to be comfy no matter what, and since this book tour focuses on travel and queer joy, I'd love to incorporate some fun colors and/or patterns where I can. And boy, did the Fashivly team deliver!
This time, I also had the benefit of building out my “Closet” in the Fashivly app—uploading pics of items I own so the team could build outfits around them in addition to recommending new items I could add to my wardrobe.
I ended up buying some of the items recommended (can’t wait to wear the Lucy & Yak jumpsuit, for one!) and saving some to my “Products” section in the app for potential future purchases. But all in all, I was thrilled with how the Fashivly team nailed the look I was going for, and I love that I now have outfit inspiration to look to when getting dressed feels hard!
How do you approach your personal styling?
Do you try to work with outfit formulas? Are there certain brands you find yourself drawn to time and again? Do you save screenshots of outfit inspo from TikTok OOTDs to a Pinterest board?
I’d love to learn more about how folks approach defining their personal style and feeling confident in their outfit choices—especially anyone who might identify as one of the girlies/gays/theys, frequent travelers, and/or neurodivergent bbs, or anyone else who struggles with the curvy/petite issue.
Basically: If you feel like you love how you dress, tell me your secrets!
And if you don’t (or even if you do, but you occasionally find yourself in a style rut or struggling to figure out what to wear for a special event or vacation), I’d definitely recommend giving Fashivly a try.